LOS ESPADAS

Sunday, March 30, 2008

It's 10.30 am and I haven't slept fot the past 26 hours. Well, I was suppose to go out with Puffyla today but she couldn't make it. I don't blame her, family is definately more important. Well, guess I'll see you another time then.

here's a letter to our dearest world,

Dear World,
Fuck you. All my life, I have been trying to make others happy so your crappy piece of shit wouldn't seem so fucking useless. I mean just look at you. You have more haters in the planet then people loving each other. Grudges, revenge and hatred. What the fuck is wrong with you? I have given alot to you all my life and I'm proud to say that being me is not as easy as it seems. But all I ask of you is for me to at least be happy in this shithole of yours. Why is it so difficult just to be happy? Fuck the money, fuck the fame or whatever shit. You don't need to be the richest and the the most famous person on earth just to find bliss inside. Why is it so fucking difficult for me to be with someone I adore? Someone whom I miss? Someone whom I LOVE. Seriously, what the fuck have I done wrong? You took away alot from me. From the person whom I thought I loved to my own fucking self-esteem. What the fuck? It's self-esteem for crying out loud. Leaving nothing behind? Seriously world, you diserve two middles up. _l_ _l_ . For all the hate and suffer I felt, I've been keeping it inside and enduring every piece of shit you throw at me and with the thought that the grass is greener on the otherside. But everytime I get there, there's nothing more than a shitfull of a wasteland. This isn't the first time this has happened to me and sure as hell I have a feeling it won't be the last. I feel like giving up. Now to a point whereby I wanna fuck everything and just care about myself. Fuck self-respect and everything. No wonder everybody is this planet seem to be a sorry shitface full of puke. All is to be blame it you, you goddam sorry piece of trash. Your hatred, suffering has cause this once lovely place to now just plain shit. Yet, even so, why am I still taking this piece of shit from you? You ought to ask yourself, "Why the hell am I doing this for? Lets just fuck eveything and be like everyone else cause nobody gives a damm anymore. Everyone is gonna die a sorry son of a bitch." Why am I still going on. You wanna know why you fucker? Cause I believe somewhere in that heart of her's lies a place for me. So if you wanaa take that away from me, I swear, I'll be the coldest sadass on this fucking planet.

PS: Puffyla, this isn't meant for you. I just venting my anger out alright? I'm not angry at you and I don't blame you. When shit happens in the family, families are more important to you than anything else. Truth be told cause I don't see the point of hiding it anymore and these past few days, shit has been happening to me to a point where I just feel like giving up. I never see this coming but Puffyla, you mean alot to me and these past few days has never been brighter because of you. I know you said take it slow but I have never been moved so much by a person before. After all this crap that I'm going through, I'm going to say this before I lose the chance to do so.

Puffyla, I LOVE YOU.

There, I said it. After my break up with my ex, I never thought I'm ever gonna get myself together again but you prove me wrong and I'm fully aware that this could either make or break me. But with all the shit I'm facing just to make the day not hurt until I can crawl back in my bed and hopefully in the future, next to you again, I guess it doesn't matter if I'm gonna be broken down again.

I know it's been downhill for you too. But now, I'm holding out my had to you. Will you take my hand and start over? Forget everyone and everything that you've been through be happy together. I cannot promise that everyday will be full of happiness. I mean, surely you will quarrel of the stupidest thing in a relationship right? But this is what I promise you: I'll try to make everyday the happiest for you.

I've done almost everything I can,
"If I could, I would. So tell me if I should"
- How Bout Enough - A Vacant Affair

It's your call. =)

10:35